Our Role In Regulation
The tears. The screams. The tantrums.
We all have our own instinctual responses to these normal--yet exhausting--behaviors our child will express at some point or another. We know that remaining calm is the ideal, but did you know it is also an important stepping stone in your child's growth in self-regulation?
We are not born knowing how to regulate our big emotions.
It is something that is nurtured through predictable, responsive and supportive interactions with our caregivers.
First, we are externally regulated. We cry, our caregiver meets our need. This happens over and over and over, with each time showing us that regulation is possible when our need is met.
Second, we transition into be co-regulated. We become upset, and someone holds the space for us that lets us know that we are safe (and not alone) while we "ride the wave" of our intense emotions passing.
Finally, we are able to self-regulate on our own.
Below, are some ways we help our children regulate:
But what is it about these behaviors that just drive us batty? How is it that my husband can stay calm when the kids are screaming but it makes me want to freak out?
Consider what you were taught about these emotions. Growing up, what was considered appropriate to express and what was considered not appropriate? Was crying considered a sign of weakness? Anger pushed deep down and ignored? Reflecting on what emotions we were taught was "ok" and "not ok" can help you be aware of what emotions to be extra-mindful of when they present in your child…because they are likely to be extra challenging to hold space for.
I hope you find this helpful. I really, truly love unpacking these dynamics in parenting. If you are looking to have a fresh start in your parenting, I would love to talk about how we can work together!
Click the button below to schedule a time for us to chat.
xo,
Krista Haller LPC, PMH-C
I have been a licensed professional counselor for over a decade. Although my work has ranged from children to adults, my heart is working with mothers.
For three years I was a home visitor for Early Head Start, providing early intervention services to all kinds of families with varied needs and stressors.
In that time I was lucky enough to be trained in various attachment approaches, including Circle of Security, Trust Based Relational Intervention, and the Gottman Institute’s Bringing Home Baby curriculum. In 2020, I completed my Perinatal Mental Health Certification.
