Navigating Communication About Parenthood (Promise it is possible!)
For most, parenthood is the most challenging (and rewarding) experience of their lives. And while it's easy to say that you should communicate with your partner about your hopes for the future, it's not always as simple as that. There are many different things to consider when deciding what kind of relationship you want with your partner and how this trickles down to the kind of parent you want to be. Here are some tips around ways to navigate communication with your partner during this time, as well as how to structure conversations about parenting when these specific parenting conversations come up!
Building a strong relationship with your partner
You know that you need to build a strong relationship with your partner, but how? The first step is to identify what can damage your relationship and what alternatively, what can help it. Here are some examples:
Damage can look like:
Criticism, blame and contempt ("You always do this!")
Being disrespectful of each other's needs or desires (e.g., making fun of them in front of others)
Withholding affection or attention as punishment
Repair or connection can look like:
Turning “towards” one another more often through small moments of physical touch (a hand hold, a quick hug)
Supporting one another in your “unicorn space” or the time that is special to you for recharging.
Knowing, communicating and honoring love languages
Having connection date-moments that may be a date night or a date coffee on a Sunday afternoon
Talking about what you want out of parenthood
Sometimes, it can be helpful to connect on the very thing that is making it hard to find time to connect—-the kids. Taking time to touch base and talk about your parent intentions can be incredibly powerful in being on the same page about this phase of life.
Questions you may want to ponder together:
How do we want our children to be raised? This can include everything from discipline style, eating habits, religious practices, education level. You may have felt one way about these topics before having kids, and possibly feel differently now that you are IN parenting. Talking about these topics regularly will help ensure that as they come up on the road of parenthood, there won't be any surprises.
What am I bringing into this relationship?
What do we need from each other?
Talk about how much work you are going to do as parents and who will do what parts of the work.
Talking about how much work you are going to do as parents and who will do what parts of the work is an important conversation to have. You need to make sure that both of you are on the same page and happy with your plan, or else things can get complicated and tense later on.
Typically, there is two main ways of dividing up responsibilities:
One parent does most/all of it, while the other parent does less or very little. This approach can work well if everyone involved feels like they're getting their needs met by this arrangement; however, it can also lead to resentment if one person feels like they're doing more than their fair share--and even resentment from both parents if neither feels satisfied with their role in raising children!
Both parents take turns sharing responsibilities equally over time (i.e., every other week). This method allows each person time away from childrearing responsibilities without feeling like they don't have any say over what happens during those periods; however, it can still cause problems if one person thinks he/she should be spending more time caring for kids than another does
A wonderful resource to stimulate conversation on this topic and guide conversation, is Fairplay, which has a website, book and even a movie! Find out more here: https://www.fairplaylife.com/the-cards
In the end, and as you know—-communication is key. You can't have an effective parenting relationship without it. If you and your partner don't talk about what you want out of parenthood and how to raise your child, then problems will inevitably arise down the road when things get tough or stressful. Also, it's important for both parents to discuss how to divide work and tasks as parents within the home so there aren't any misunderstandings later on. Start simple—-choose one thing from this entire article, and see if making that small shift impacts how you interact with your partner!