Stressor vs. Stress Response

Although easy to muddle together, stressors and stress responses are two very different things. The stress response is an adaptive reaction to a real or perceived threat. Stressors, on the other hand, are anything that can cause your body to go into this state of alertness.

It can empowering to learn more about the differences between the two, be in intentional in how you manage them. Learning more about these responses can help us feel more relaxed and less overwhelmed as a parent!

Stressors

Stressors, or the things that make us feel stressed. On a primal level, stressors are lions, tigers, bears (oh my!)

Some examples of stressors in the here-and-now-are:

  • Work overwhelm

  • The endless to-do list

  • Financial strain

  • Annoyance with your partner

  • A kid that refuses to listen

Stress Response

Stress response is the response to a stressor. It's an adaptive response that helps us deal with the stressor, but it can also be harmful and unhealthy if it becomes too intense or lasts too long. Our ancestors, when they saw a lion headed their way, their stress response would be to fight, flee or freeze. Your stress response is a very personal thing, unique to you! But may find yourself fighting, fleeing or freezing which may look like:

  • Losing your cool/yelling at the person who cut us off while we were driving (fight)

  • Storming off or walking away when your partner upsets you (flee)

  • Not knowing what to do when your toddler screams over something the seams in their socks (freezing)

But wait! There is more!

This is the important stuff—if you don’t take away anything else, I hope you remember this—-

When the stressor goes away, it doesn’t necessarily mean that your stress RESPONSE is alleviated or magically gone. Often, we remain in our stress response, even when the stressor has left the building.

When the person drives off after cutting you off, you still remain in fight mode.

When you get distance from your partner during a fight, you still may be thinking/focused on the discussion and how it made you feel.

When you toddler decides, after 20 minutes of screaming, that actually, you know what? The seam is ok…you may still feel totally charged by what happened.

So, it is important to have on hand, some skills to use when you need to move through your stress response. Here are some suggestions:

Move that body!

The best way to combat stress is to move your body. Even more simple, going for a walk. Although it might seem like a simple task, walking can be very beneficial for your mental health. If you're feeling stressed out or anxious, try the following steps:

  • Put on some music that helps promote relaxation and focus (this could include classical music). Others may only listen to their favorite podcast when they are on a walk, which increases their likelihood of getting their walk in!

  • Focus on your breathing while moving your body; try not thinking about anything else besides what it feels like when air enters and exits your lungs as you walk.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is the practice of being aware of what is happening in your mind and body in the present moment, without judging it or trying to change it. It's a state of active, open attention on the present that encourages curiosity about our experience rather than looking for ways to escape it. Mindfulness is not a stress management technique, but it can help you become more aware of what causes your stress and how you respond to it.

One of the easiest time of the day to practice mindfulness is when you are doing a task that you do everyday, like brushing your teeth. In this small moment, you can check in with how your body feels, what you are seeing/smelling/tasting/experiencing in that moment.

TL;DR

Stressors and your stress response are two very different things.

You must complete your stress response even if the stressor is long-gone.

Meditate or exercise regularly. Taking time out from your day-to-day tasks and responsibilities gives your mind a chance to unwind, which helps reduce anxiety and improve moods overall; plus it gives your body some much-needed downtime after being stretched thin by parenthood! If exercising isn't an option for whatever reason (like lack of time), you can do a very intentional progressive muscle relaxation technique. Here are some youtube videos with the process:

  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SNqYG95j_UQ

  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86HUcX8ZtAk


Krista Haller